15. Renewal and Growth is Fine

But when will I get some rest?

‘Sewing in the Garden’, above, unknown.

Dear QOC,

How long until the Queen of Pentacles brings me to a lush garden of rest and success?

Work is hard at the moment, and a close relative is in hospital. I’m feeling restless and want to move cities soon, but nothing feels certain and I want to be sure of my plans before I make any decisions. I’m exhausted and confused.

—Over It All

Tonight is the first night of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year (or ‘Head of the Year’). Falling on the first day of the month of Tishrei, it’s celebrating in spring here in Australia, and autumn in the northern hemisphere, making it feel much more aligned with what is happening seasonally—renewal, or the beginnings of a seasonal compost. Either way, its a shoulder season, and puts the work of spiritual regeneration into the context of either planting or reaping. The High Holidays are not for rest, but work on top of more work.

Your question, ‘how long’, is also a Biblical one. Here is Psalm 13:

"How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my own soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O LORD my God.” 

Also it’s in the chorus of a Red Hot Chili Peppers song. In either case, it’s not just you! It might help to conceptualise this past year—5870—as a shoulder season within your life—one of those years where you just seem to work and work with no immediate reward, but which slowly and invisibly moves you closer to where you need to be.

However, I do think relief is on the horizon. These are the cards I drew:

The Two of Cups represents a strong capacity for emotional balance. The Cups are a suit associated with the heart and chest, and the Two is about partnership—though not necessarily a romantic partnership. In this case it might be the nurturing presence of parents, or a friendship that helps shore you up. Like David’s lament, it means, ‘You are not alone’.

The Four of Coins, lavish with fleurs-des-lys, reinforces this sense of solid grounding beneath new growth. Coins are material, and this card links you to the Queen of Coins, whose garden you are yearning for. Consider this card a herb garden on the balcony or a window box full of geraniums. It says that you can have what you want, but at the moment you will have to accept it in miniature.

The Magician is turned about, indicating your confusion. Unlike the stable Two and Four, his table only has three legs; things are a bit haphazard, but again, all the tools you need are at your disposal. This card could represent external forces working against you at the moment, and a general sense of being out of control. But it doesn’t take much to right the Magician—simply a reminder that those same tools can be used to fit any circumstances.

Finally, the Five of Swords, to which the Magician in his inverse form is looking, shows a blade slicing through an interlocking barrier. The Swords are about the mind, about intellect, so this card, like the Magician, reminds you that some things are still within your control. When the sword points up, this is a more obviously good sign, but you can imagine that you have stopped fighting and just planted your sword in the earth for a minute. You need a break, and it’s within your power to stop give yourself one.

Rosh Hashanah, coming at the head of the Days of Awe, is a feast day, despite kicking off a serious season of self-examination. It’s traditional to eat apples dipped in honey, for a sweet new year—my son helped me make a very lopsided honey cake yesterday—to sit down, be with family, just take a little rest and enjoy what is there. You kind of just have to trust that things will even out at some point, that life will calm down eventually, that what ye reap so shall ye sow yadda yadda.

I get that you are totally bone-weary and longing for rest. A bit of certainty would not go astray. But there are little flourishing growths all over this spread, and so I have faith that this shoulder season in your life is in fact spring, and that the garden will grow around you bit by bit. It will be there when you are ready to really notice it.

L’shana tova.

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