17. Providing Guidance
My niece seems to be struggling, but I'm not sure how best to support her.
‘Symphony in White’, James McNeill Whistler, 1865-67, above.
Dear QOC,
I am a little worried about my niece. She is 13, and struggling a bit. She has big feelings, many of which are expressed as anger at the moment.
My sense is she is a creative soul, but hasn't quite found language for it yet. I guess my question is about the best way I can be present for her, as a caring but not super-involved aunt.
—Aunty Em
Thirteen can be a horrible age. I still cringe when I think of it. Just as you are beginning to change and shift, in confusing and disorienting ways, your mind and body seem to become glaringly public. Everybody notices you; adults make knowing comments; anger and sadness are dismissed as ‘moodiness’. You’re already probably being more supportive than you know by acknowledging that your niece’s anger comes from a place of genuine need.
I started this spread with the three pip cards, then pulled the two at the top to see how best to interpret them. Both the Wheel of Fortune and The Devil came up inverted, which suggests to me that there are meanings that aren’t immediately accessible to either of us; your niece might more easily recognise the significance of these cards. I’ve righted them for the moment but it’s worth bearing in mind that without knowing more about her an aspect of this spread will be guesswork.
The Seven of Cups, as if to reinforce this, is about individuality. Cups represent emotion and sometimes spirituality; this card signifies your niece’s growth as a person. This card comes right up against the Eight of Wands, in which the wands, symbols of creativity, are highly regulated and interlocked. There is a strong tension between the emerging individual, and the controlled environment in which she lives.
The Ace of Wands, though, offers a new perspective, possibly a new beginning. This card has a tremendous generative energy, which can represent creative drive. It may be that as she enters her teens, your niece does begin to flourish creatively, allowing her to find a comfort and ease within the confines of her surroundings.
Your own role here could be simply to affirm her. The Ace of Wands does not levitate, but is held up by a supportive hand. Simply existing as a person in her world who lives creatively, embraces change, and defies convention will model a pathway she may choose to follow.
To look at the Major Arcana: it has been a really difficult year! The Wheel of Fortune indicates the shifting cycles that are larger than you or your niece; luck, misfortune, bushfires, pandemic. Part of her anger is very likely coming from a sense of disempowerment beyond the usual teenage frustration. There is a lot going on in the world right now to which anger is an appropriate response.
I think The Devil is really the key card here, and points to your role as a supportive figure. The Devil is push-pull, containing contradictory possibilities, his minions maintaining balance so long as neither forces the issue. He is cheerful and unshockable. The best thing you can do right now is allow your niece to express her anger, and let her try things on that she might not feel she can get away with in her own home.
Be the person to whom she can offload a cynical diatribe, or rail against the injustice of the world. I have an aunt who provided a similar space when I was a teenager, and it helped so much to have someone to talk to who did not know me as intimately as my mother; who allowed me to try things on, experiment with aspects of my personality I wasn’t sure about, suggested books, took me shopping for clothes.
Your niece is figuring a lot out at the moment, and going through her own personal change while the world is changing. You can support her best by providing an alternative to the conformity of school and home, and by letting her know that you take her seriously in all of her anger, confusion, and generally Devil-ish vibes.